Why You’re Not Getting 5 Stars on Uber (And What To Do About It)

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Uber Map

Uber Drivers

Uber is a service I use and love. I use Uber and
UberX for getting around Seattle, and when I travel. After riding with this service for 2 years I have experience with awful rides and
awesome rides. There are things that kill a ride and result in a low score. This is a list of those deal breaking factors.

 

9 Ways To Get 1 Star on Uber

1. Turn off climate control

Turn it completely off. The less fresh air is circulating, the better.
If I wanted fresh air i’d be on a bike, or walking.
Not sitting in the back of your Camry, wondering if I have
any Lyft credits.

 

2. Play music you like and constantly change the station without asking passenger

This is the perfect time for you to fill the silence with
your own audio preferences. Please play your top contemporary christian, or
Talk Radio. No need to ask us what our preferences are, just
hold us audio hostage.

 

3. Keep your ride dirty

The more random and undetermined the stain is, the better. If it’s
10 am and it looks like muffins had an orgy, then fight
to the death with Ritz Crackers, you’re doing it right.

 

4. Force conversation

The more like an interview you make it, the more fun we
have. Ask our relationship status. Inquire into our work. Shoot, just ask us
if we are pregnant and win the gold prize.

 

5. Don’t ask passenger their preferred route

Look, we don’t expect you to have the city memorized. Please just
use your tools, trust your tools, and know which way North is.
If for any reason, the address WE ENTERED isn’t making sense, just
ask us IF we have a preferred route. Easy Peasy.

 

6. Block traffic while driving

The vehicle version of the middle finger. It’s a special thrill to hang
out in the intersection, being eyeballed by angry drivers.

 

7. Tell the passenger how hard they were to find

Riders don’t care.

 

8. Complain about the drive

Can we just go back to listening to Jars of Clay?

 

9. Complain about Uber

Perfect. I won’t feel bad at all rating you 1 star on Uber. I look forward to self driving cars.

The Author

Sean Oliver

Sean Oliver is a management consultant in Seattle, WA